...For Everything Else, There's MasterYourEmotions

The way this apparently works is that you place a "special prize" (AKA a $20 - if that ain't love I don't know what is), and the lucky recipient must solve the puzzle in order to attain said prize.  The only thing that would add to this product's potential for aneurism-inducing rage would be the addition of superglue to prevent the recipient from being able to open the game, even after they have won.

GiftGame: $19.99
$20 Bill: $20.00
Shipping and Handling: $11.99 if you're like me and never remember to ship present more than 3 hours before
Cripping, Debilitating Rage At A Prize You Can See Yet Cannot Attain: Priceless

Products That Support Abstinence

There is a staggering amount of snarky things to say about this product.  It is a two-piece package of goodness - there is a laser cap underneath that provides light-therapy to parts of your skull, and then a protective helmet which goes over, most likely to protect the user against hair loss, bike accidents, and pretty girls.  

Even with all those benefits, $695 for a birth control prescription seems pretty steep.

Turn Car Trips From BLAH to YEAH!

Picture 1:  Waahhhhh I hate everything because my mom wants to keep me safe by wearing my seatbelt waaaahhhh.
Picture 2:  Yay now I'm smug because my neck is is comfy and my little scapula will break immediately in a car accident!

The Age-Old Struggle of the Artist

It's a well-known fact that every true Artist's dream is to break into the foul-weather-gear market while they are alive.  However, thanks to the classless and ignorant philistines, this dream is often sadly deferred.  Thankfully, we can now fully appreciate Monet and his contributions to sweaty boot-clad feet everywhere around this world as he finally rains supreme.  Heh.

Turn Stress Into [Eternal] Rest

Blissful comfort...excellent circulation...COLD BLOODED MURDER.  Does NO ONE else realize that this pillow apparently kills anyone who lays upon it?!

Well Ya Don't Say

Wait a second, wait a second... they're telling that they have a BATHMAT soaks up water?!!  I'm calling BS - this is too good to be true.  Next you're going to be telling me that there is a "dishsoap" that "cleans plates" or  "shoelaces" that "go in knots" or "food" that you can "eat".  Not this consumer, AirStore.  Not this consumer.

Bad Parenting Present

Don't love your child enough to play Hide and Seek with them?  Then buy this digitized Hide and Seek monkey!  He'll provide hours of fun and distraction from your lack of attachment as you enjoy a leisurely  child-free day.

Also wonderful for terrifying unsuspecting babysitters and houseguests alike.  Buy now!

The Most Specific Superhero Skill Possible

However, be cautious with use around Labor Day parties.  Your eyeballs may explode.

Only $19.99!!!!

Or...just find a stick.  $Free.99

If You're An Adult Nostalgic For Bullying...

...Bring this to your kid's next soccer game.  Ahhh, the smell of newly-mown grass, fresh air, bottles thrown at your head...

How It All Got Started...

It was simple, really.  Flight from New York City back home to Denver.  The ubiquitous in-flight magazine, heretofore referred as "AirStore", sat tantalizingly in the seatback pocket in front of me, the same place where I could find my safety information card. And there it was; page 128; Christmas section.  A pierogi Christmas ornament, making me immediately think, "Huh.  Just what I always wanted, a brass vagina for my tree."

And then I knew.  I needed to shame this subscription and the products within with snarky comments.  And thus....SkySnark was born.