Yeah, I Suck At This

But then on the other hand, I did say that this was going to be a half-assed endeavor.  Or at least I thought it.  One of the two.

Until I get my act together, consider that you are...

You are the doodle to my snicker.  You are arteriosclerosis to my KFC.  You are the Wal-Mart to my trashiness. You are the flu to my swine.  I love you.

Tagline: [For] Especially those who have everything!

Yeah. Except hair and self-awareness.

First Of All, That's What She Said To The Second Line Of This Ad

And furthermore, upon reviewing the security tapes that recorded everyone who approached my door when I was gone, I did in fact see who stopped by!

Tragically, it was Eminem in 7 years.  :(

Out Of Stock

We regret to inform you that we are out of stock of the following related products...

"Stream Woman"
"Reservoir Lady"
"Puddle Sister"
"Kitchen Faucet Chick"
"Drainage Pond Gal"

Scenes I Like to Picture

This indoor pressure smoker seems pretty reasonable - it can smoke your food and cook it up to 70% faster.  The part I really like is the highlighted sentence.  

I'm just really enjoying picturing the conversation in which the recent Indoor Pressure Smoker buyer tries to purchase 3-5 wood chips from the local store.

Marshmallow Shooter: "Not for children under 3 yrs."

..."Or adults more than 3 drinks in."

This Product Claims the Ability to Potty-Train Your Cat

But can it also train your cat to not maintain serial-killer-like eye contact with you while it does so?